DISCLAIMER: The purpose of the below is to document what it is I do with my day. Both for me (since my memory is totally shot and I can't even remember what I wore today) and for my friends who wonder why it is that I'm so forgetful. And disorganized. And on some days, haggard. No, this was not written because I think I'm busier, cooler, craftier, blah, blah, whatever negative/passive aggressive adjectives some women like to use when they are waging their own internal battle but taking it out on someone else.
5:10 a.m. - Alarm goes off. Painful. Why, oh why, must it come so early? Oh yeah, because I have a flight to catch. And since I'm flying into 1,000% humidity, one must attempt to shower and tame the hair. Wait... maybe if I don't smell nice and clean, and I look a little like Bill Nye the Science Guy (or Doc Brown from Back to the Future), I'll terrify opposing counsel and intimidate them into getting whatever information I need.
5:12 a.m. - Wait! That's not logical. Get out of bed and SHOWER!!!!!!
6:10 a.m. - Open the door to Walter's room to wake him up for daycare. It take 2 full minutes of talking to him for him to peel his eyes open and stop stretching. But he doesn't stop smiling the entire time. Angel.
6:20 a.m. - Open Henry's door with Walter on my hip to get Henry ready for daycare. The second I open the door he pops up and says something like we've been in the midst of a conversation. I can't remember what he said this morning. I feel like I've heard it all: "Dinosaurs!" "Bread." "BIIIIIIGGGG airplanes." "Huuuuuuunnngry!"
6:30 a.m. - Get the kids loaded up in Paul's car and we all pull out of the driveway. I head towards the airport, Paul and the boys head towards school.
7:10 a.m. - "Holy crap, why didn't I leave earlier?!?!?" I decide to try valet parking, which is new at LUV. This is necessary to ensure I actually make my 8:00 a.m. flight since parking at the airport lately has been a beating.
7:35 a.m. - Walk straight onto my boarding flight - what the heck is the point to an A5 boarding pass if I'm loading up as A61? No, old man, I'm not okay with you taking your suit jacket off in the aisle, folding it neatly, and trying to find the perfect bin space to set it down. Oh, I'm sorry. You didn't notice that you were holding up an entire FLIGHT of people trying to board an aircraft?! My bag is HEAVY, and I would like to be able to set it down, thank you very much. I double dog dare you to put it over that seat that I'm laying claim to in the aisle behind you....
9:00 a.m. - Land in Houston.
9:29 a.m. - Get in massive fight with new Ford Explorer as I try to figure out how to start it, turn down the radio, and then tune to a station where they speak English. I felt like a 90 year old who'd just seen her first iPod. We GM drivers don't know what to do with push starts. Or touch screens. Or steering wheels that have approximately 25 buttons and nozzles and toggles and whatever else Ford thought up.
9:30 a.m. - Obtain rental car. Remind myself that I'm a Christian and should not be nasty to employee who took 10 minutes to get my car in her computer, despite the fact that (1) I had a reservation, (2) I'm an elite member, and (3) her coworker managed to get 4 cars through the line as I continued to sit there.
10:00 a.m. - Walk into deposition out of breath. I may or may not have gone an average of 80-85 mph to get there on time. Note that my reflection in the glass indicates my attempt to tame hair was 100% unsuccessful. Immediately place hair in ponytail.
12:00 p.m. - Complete deposition and head back to the airport. Realize halfway there that one of the daycare workers' birthday is tomorrow. Oh crap, the overachiever/organized mom that assigned us workers last year to treat on their birthdays no longer has a child at the daycare. Crap, crap, crap.
12:45 p.m. - Arrive at security to realize that I can finally take a breath. I have a whole 45 minutes to go find a seat and frantically check my emails. Oh yeah, and organize who will handle birthdays this year.
3:00 p.m. - Land in Dallas. Head back to the office to grab some papers in my chair that I need to look at tonight. Swing by a co-worker's office to figure out what it is I need to do with the papers that were left in my chair, because 4 years later, I'm still clueless about the practice of law.
3:30 p.m. Arrive at local mall to buy a giftcard for our daycare worker. Yeah, that's right, I volunteered to handle the birthday since I think I was the only one who knew about it. I quickly am distracted by the Dillard's shoe sale.
3:40 p.m. - I manage to snap out of my selfish deviation through the shoe sale. Okay, by snap out of it, I mean that I have to leave because they have NO SHOES IN MY SIZE. Arg. Size 11? Plenty. Size 5.5s? A gazillion. Size 8.5s? Sure. If you want a gold stilleto covered in clear plastic with neon pink piping. No, thank you. I gave up my stripping hobby after having my second baby.
4:00 p.m. - Realize the Dillard's employee has sent me in the opposite direction of the mall concierge. Maybe she overheard me mumbling offensive statements to the shoes in my size? I have now walked approximately 1 mile, but manage to obtain the gift card. Now to walk back to my car. Oh, did I mention that the heels that were once comfortable at 6:30 a.m. now feel like torture devices strapped to my feet. Blast Dillards for selling all non-stripper shoes in my size!!!!!!!
4:45 p.m. - After fighting traffic that is typical for 5:00 - 6:00 p.m. in these parts, I manage to pull into the grocery store parking lot to purchase breakfast/cake mix for the birthday girl. I hobble into the store, grunting and groaning and looking like a crazy person. And since my hair was attacked by Houston, it's not helping with the crazy look. I hope I'm not leaving a bloody trail behind me. I wonder if they have flip flops at the front of the store I could wear just for shopping?
5:15 p.m. - Arrive home to three smiling boys.
5:15:01 p.m. - Kick shoes off. Resist temptation to throw the shoes in the trash and remind yourself that you probably walked 2-3 miles in them today. Typically not advised for 3-4" heels. Make a mental note to write someone in Washington and let them know that heels should be used as a form of punishment in jail. I did see a striking, sassy pair at Dillard's...
5:16 p.m. - Henry has a great meal in front of him, and I get to feed Walter some real food. Henry then proceeds to throw a giant fit and decide he doesn't feel like eating corn and peas tonight, and thinks it is fun to play with his food instead. After it's clear that he's done eating (and after multiple warnings by Paul and me), we get him out of the highchair. Not without protest, however. "My tray! My plate! My highchair!, etc." were all screamed as things were taken from him and we got him down. Oh, the drama.
5:45 p.m. - We let Henry watch one TV show, while we climb on the floor and play with Walter. His fourth tooth has popped through, and we would have never known if we hadn't been feeling for it for the last week. No fussing, no drama. Like I said, angel.
6:15 p.m. - Bathtime for both boys. Walter now leans out of his bumbo at a dangerous angle so he can grab for toys and splash. He never leans forward, always up and over one side. I'm just waiting for him to dump out of the bumbo - thank goodness for thigh rolls! Henry proceeds to throw a tantrum - over what, I can't really remember. I think he wouldn't sit down.
6:30 p.m. - Henry and I go upstairs and start reading. Walter comes in with Paul to say goodnight, but ends up sitting on my lap to finish a book. While reading a book to both of them is physically exhausting (Walter's trying to grab the corner and shove it in his mouth while Henry's got about 10 stuffed animals in his arms so I'm stretched to the max just so my arms fit around them), it is the best. Walter doesn't make it long, and ends up in bed a few short minutes later. Henry and I proceed to read 3 books (where he correctly identified a few letters, so we'll count today as a win!), sing 3 songs, pray only once (Henry's request was to thank Jesus for blankets), and walk out the door.
7:05 p.m. - Mix cupcakes and get them in the oven
7:20 p.m. - Eat dinner. In front of the series finale of Dexter. Which is cut short by a phone call. Then the cupcakes. Then Paul needed to grade papers. But we finally finish it at some point.
And the rest of the night was comprised of getting ready for bed and checking emails. So tomorrow, or the next time you see me, when I look a little haggard, or when my shirt is on inside out, don't hold it against me. But if I'm limping, would you mind letting me borrow your flip-flops?
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